I wish I could have been raised differently, raised somewhere else, part of another family tree another aspect of wealth. I was raised to be something this world would rather not see, someone who trust nothing and only believes what people show me. According to my father I lost my compassion in the war, he says, "son your not on the battlefield anymore"! Let your children know of your love and how you feel, explain to your wife that your love is real. I get defensive because I don't see what they see, when I look in the mirror I see no changes in me. When I look in the mirror I see a guy from these streets, who has been the guy that he is without losing no sleep. Without feeling remorse, without changing his course, without being afraid of fires he started flames with a torch. Started forest fires out of small issues, caused rain to pour that couldn't be stopped with tissue. Now anything he says seems to make the world end, he can't speak about issue without losing a friend. He has been dubbed as being confusing while confusing his confuser, like he makes her insecure while securely trying to use her. He changes mind frames people don't great because of his jealousy, thoughts of the possibility, of feeling the wrath of he. Or maybe he isn't scaring anyone but himself, scared of living life by trusting everyone else. Afraid of what the world may bring by opening up, looking at the past from which he had enough. Of people being disrespectful, or to friendly with everyone, so he cuts of everyone before being friendly could come. Standing his ground while he runs from the day to day reality, that my way is with the dinosaurs extinct but still alive in me. That maybe the dinosaurs are gone for a reason, and the things I have been taught weren't things worth believing. Maybe I feel this way because of something that was said, or maybe all of these maybe's are really coming out of my head. It's hard to leave everything you ever known, throw caution to the wind and go with the things your being shown. It's hard to be yourself while changing to someone else, and are you truly meant to change, why do these questions seem so strange. Did my people really have life so bad, that they would make up rules that no one else had. That a code of honor could become honor-less, or that someone I love so much could become a memory I sometimes reminisce. Do I lose sleep over the sleep that I lost, do I fight for my past no matter the cost. Or is it in me to become the man God's wants me to be, to be fit for the blessings he has given to me?
How can I change?
PD the CEO